Someone once said that "Sharing is Caring." Different people, with different upbringings and beliefs, do holidays their own way. However, it is possible to share what you have with others who are less fortunate.

For years, I have slacked off on giving some of the gifts to family and friends, and used the money for a better purpose. I buy food and donate it to the local community foodbank. I search for items that are on sale, or on a special price, especially buy one get one free. Sometimes I give the foodbank money.

I know it is not much, but I realize the people who must depend on the food bank will value what they receive. It is OK to help other people, especially if they have need.

I think Ms Elbaum (and many of the posters below) are missing the whole point of giving gifts during the holidays. Choosing the right gift is a marvelous way of showing the people you care about that you are thinking about them and you care enough to put forth the effort required to find something they really want. It shows the other person that his or her interests and likes are on your mind.

I’m not saying that presents are absolutely necessary for a good holiday, if a given family has some other tradition that they value, but I have to admit that I find it strange that anyone would write an article to BRAG about not giving their children any presents. I find it even stranger that such a choice would be so heavily applauded by so many.

I don’t know, these days it seems that almost ANYTHING a parent does that seems “tough” is heavily applauded, as long as it stops short of outright abuse. I think there are a lot of people out there that are so concerned about overly permissive parents that they go too far in the other direction and have a knee jerk positive reaction to anything that remotely smacks of toughness.

Just to add something to clarify my post above: Giving a child no presents for the holidays puts them in a very difficult position. If they say “nothing” they WILL be teased mercilessly by the other kids. They WILL be told – multiple times – that their mom and dad must not love them because “everyone gets presents”. I don’t see the value in making the child deal with all of that just to satisfy mom and dad’s philosophical musings.

I applaud the author of the article, and understand what she is doing and why. My wife and I have three children, and between the aunts and uncles and grandparents, and us, the kids were getting spoiled and had the attitude that the Christmas holiday was all about getting loot. Not spending time with family and friends, or getting ONE special gift for someone as a token of love/friendship; and definitely not the true meaning of the season: the gift that God gave us in His son, Jesus. We have not completely eliminated gifts for the kids, but we limit them to three each with a reasonable dollar amt. And we emphasize more the "Birthday of Jesus" aspect. Yes, we give to family and friends, and are teaching the kids that; but also why we give and how to do it smartly.

I disagree that the young kids will know much, and I don't think there would be much teasing until the teen years. Sure, there are always discussions and questions, but if you are raising strong confident kids, they won't worry so much about what the other kids say. Like the author states, there is a limited window of innocence; then there is the period of immature childhood with the world creeping in; then eventually they reach a maturity level where they can understand and appreciate what you're doing and why. It's not always easy, nor fun, but in the end it is worth it. You'll have children who have grown into adults who won't be caught up in the buying frenzy on black friday, who give responsibly and aren't paying off Christmas debts in June. They will have a deeper understanding of the holiday and celebration.

Good for them. I cannot believe how many people object to teaching a child appropriate values. I grew up with parents of the same mindset. We never celebrated Christmas. My elementary teachers would give out assignments to write about what we received for Christmas and I would tell the truth. The teachers ostracized me ... not the other kids. But I can tell you this ... I wore cashmere coats to school and clothes made from silk and brocade fabrics. I never word the same outfit twice, unless it was somewhat of a favorite. Without Christmas presents, I had more than most. To this day, I am grateful not to have an addiction to needless holiday spending. My Christmas gifts come from my heart. I sew clothes or bake pies or share an open house dinner buffet for my neighbors. I still celebrate the true meaning of Christmas. I say, good for those parents!

Not being materialistic has little to do with how much you are given as a child. It has to do with the attitude your parents had about "stuff."

Parents are forgetting that behavior is modeled. Taking away gifts during the holidays won't make a difference if the parents themselves are materialistic every other day of the year. This experiment is contrived and a bit cruel. I do believe many parents take these extreme views for the purpose of public applause.

If the kids are old enough to be aware of gifts, they've passed the age where they're too young to get excited about them. Life is short. Teach kids your values by modeling them.

Rachel, your bio says "Rachel Elbaum is a London-based writer who is secretly stocks up on gifts months before her kids' birthdays." Perhaps all this buying has created materialistic little ones. A more reasonable solution may be just buying less gifts of focusing on handmade ones rather than going to the extreme to make up for past wrongs.

Perhaps examine what gifts mean to you...

Well, Rachel Elbaum, to each its own but as for you, I think you are cheap.

gdvegas - you are missing the point entirely. It has nothing to do with fiscal matters in this case. She is basking in the fact that her son loves the traditions of the holiday. not how do I get what I want because I want it. She is teaching her children a great lesson. They obviously are not slighted from gifts.

she is keeping the commercialism out of the holiday as long as possible. It is a lesson we could all use.

As for giving to food banks and charities, that is an equal or greater lesson that can be taught to the kids. And the peeps on here that do that are to be commended. Keep up the great work.

Hey, leaving BB, I bet your shallow, materialistic, and self-centered!!! Right?!! If you don't like it, keep it to yourself!

So what if they get pressured? They get to learn how to deal with it. It will be good for them.

We always got our presents during the summer when things were going well, with the full understanding that our parents got laid off for anywhere from 2 weeks to 2 months during the holidays and that Christmas spending during that time of year was for people who lived on credit, something we couldn't afford. Santa was a second-string bench warmer and was the less important part of the holiday anyway.

As to pressure, we got to hear about how our various friends were having their affections bought by their various divorced parents whose marriages had fallen to economic pressure, foreclosure and spending too much time at the office striving to get ahead. So we learned at an early age to give the ole American Eagle to anyone who played the peer pressure game...

Believe me, I'm very practical and don't believe in buying gifts unnecessarily. Also, I agree with the writer about how gift-giving during this time of year has taken on a truly insignificant meaning. At the same time, however, if everyone around you is showing the gifts they've received and talking about what they experienced with their family during their gift exchanges and you had nothing to contribute to the conversation, how would you feel? Now magnify that by the fact that you're a child.

I'm not criticizing the parents for what they've CHOSEN to do. And I emphasize choice because, for some families, it's not a choice and it's understandable. But, you mean to tell me that, as a parent who has this choice, you can't find one meaningful gift to give your child for Hannukah? Does it have to be expensive? Does it have to be something you know the child will use for a few days or break in a few days? Also, you can't balance that by taking your children with you as you provide gifts for a family's children whose parents can't actually afford to have the same choice? I'm only assuming the latter because she didn't mention it. Instead, she indicated that instead of gorging on gift-giving, they'd "pig out" together as a family, which is fine, I guess, since they're doing it as a family. Also, what about learning all about Hannukah at home?

Sometimes we only see the surface of our kids' experiences and apply our logic to it when the meaning might be a lot deepr.

Rose123,

Damn, way to jump right into the name-calling.

I'll continue your trend, Rose, I'll bet that you are an ignorant, slack-jawed yokel. All based on the fact that you don't know "you're" from "your".

I grew up with kids that didnt celebrate CHristmas....they were NOT teased....also if the kids are learning about Hanakah then there may be several that celebrate that as well and not getting anything.

I know of several families that plan on getting their kids nothing next year but having them pick a angel off a tree to buy for. Needs to be refocused on the true meaning anyway

I'll bet so too! I sent some cash this year, to get grand-kids savings acct's off the ground. But we typically do not gift give for Christmas, unless it is charitable. For us, gift giving is a year round thing. We want to buy a gift, we buy and give it.

@tom: My grandpa worked in a bank. He was conservative, liked to save money, avoid risks. You could say the typical banker. But he said that giving kids money to stash it away in their savings accounts for years was just total nonsense: "How do you explain it to them? Son, save the money now, and once you're grown up and have a real job, the amount will be so insignificant that nobody understand why you didn't get to spend it on something fun when you were young!?" Go grandpa!

Good point, Marc - if you're talking about $20 here and there. A savings account with more substantial contributions could help them get their first car, put down a rental deposit on an apartment, or pay for books their first year of college. But you're right; that $50 from Grandma ten years ago isn't going to make a difference later in life! Especially with inflation. A penny saved is a penny lost.

Marc-3844994, my parents would march me down to the bank to put my Christmas and my birthday money into my savings account, to save it for college. I wanted to go to a special summer school the year before college, and my dad was very annoyed that I would blow my college fund instead of skipping summer school. When it came time to pay for the school, it was all there: $84.32.

Fortunately, I got a full tuition scholarship and earned money for my room and board.

@all..I feel no need to defend myself. All I am saying is, it works for me. Opening a savings acct. does nothing unless you contribute to it. And even if that is done right regular over the years, there is nothing that says the acct. holder or guardian will not empty it and spend it on frivolous things. My youngest child just turned 18 last week, and he has already depleted the little savings he had. That was his choice. It appears I taught him nothing ! :)

As for me, I've been on a cash only system for better than ten years. I don't have huge or deep needs. When I do, I simply yank from savings to pay for it.

I have hope for the grand-kids. Perhaps their parent (my oldest) will have learned something I didn't teach him and he can get them to choose wisely and not spend frivolously.

Come on, even Jesus himself got more than one gift when he was born!

It was his BIRTHDAY. For the kids in my life - they most certainly get more than one gift on their BIRTHDAY.

Don't confuse Christmas with the birth of Christ. Christmas was always a pagan holiday. It was adopted by the Catholic Church as part of the attempt to convert pagans to Christianity. So, the meaning actually has never been lost. It's just that, as God warned, you can't serve 2 gods. So, what has happened? Most Christians celebrate the birth of Christ the way the pagans do.

Second that DS, you beat me to it. The article was about Chanukkah. Lighten up everybody. "The season" was never about Jesus. Its just the continuation of what must be a prehistoric celebration that the days, and the sun, and warmth were coming back (after a dark time, where that was not sure). Various ancients celebrated it by feasting, drinking, and good times. Christianity just glommed onto it as a way to attract pagans, and other nonbelievers.

You don't want to give your kids gifts, don't. Nobody knows for sure how to raise kids. We all take our best shot, and hope for the best. I agree that the average kid today takes too much for granted. So long as nobody in your family exchanges gifts, your kids likely wont be hurt by the practice. The world is full of people who don't exchange gifts. Let us know in 30-40 years how the experiment turns out.

Sound's like it: Congratulations!

Cheap and Lazy? Wow - glad you care more bout what your kids think of you than in doing what's right.

The kids won't think you're lazy and cheap if you communicate to them, both verbally and by example. I'll bet you drive a Hummer, Ramgirl, or some other expensive status symbol that has never been off the paved road? Sorry, didn't mean to attack, but your statements came off as mean and i got defensive with, and for, the others here who think like I do. We still get our kids gifts, now or on birthdays, but we make sure they understand why we do what we do. I think the cop out parents are the ones who over spend on the latest fads and give their kids everything they want, instead of giving them what they really want: love, time, attention, direction and discipline.

I'm totally with you RamGirl. Kids don't care if you spend $5 or $500 on a gift for them. The gift translates to 'my parents spent the time and effort thinking about me and chose this neat thing for me". If they aren't getting that, whether they can communicate that verbally or not, then you've erred somewhere along the line. How are kids supposed to learn the concept of giving if they don't the opportunity to receive and know how it feels? Although we take our kids shopping for each other at Christmas and they choose the gift, this is the first year my older son decided on his own to buy a gift for his cousin out of his own money because he thought his cousin would enjoy what he chose for him. The bottom line is that receiving a gift makes one feels good and anyone who denies that isn't being true to themselves. I'm an adult and I love receiving as much as I enjoy giving because I know people have thought about me when they chose their gift. Why would you deny your children that experience from you, their parent??? Giving/receiving a gift in no way minimizes what Christmas is all about. Those who think otherwise have chosen to demean gifts to serve their priorities, not to teach their children something meaningful, which is what they think they're doing.

I agree on the idea of a gift that comes from thought. Kids are a bit different from an adult...toys come and go along with yearly fads--but an adult is a whole 'nother ball game. A few Christmas's ago, we got my Mother-in-Law a Walter doll (Jeff Dunham). She had seen one of his comedy routines on TV and loved him. She never really laughs or smiles and that show made her week. When I had the idea to see if he sold merchandise--wholla, I found dolls that "said the phrases". That Christmas day, everybody knew what we got her--and everybody was in a circle around her with cameras and waiting to see her face...and it was priceless--she even broke a few tears. On a Mother's Day, I found her a beautiful poem about a Mother with her Son. She cried on that one too...so gifts are not all bad--it just depends on if you know the person well enough to get them something that has deep meaning and touches their heart. It does show that you pay attention to them, their needs, wants, and feelings. Nothing wrong with that IMO.

Have you ever heard "To each his own"!

Crabbypatty, I understand what you are saying, my parents did pretty much the same thing as I was growing up. But I think your last line says it all: get passed a holiday. Isn't it supposed to be a celebration? You make it sound like an exam or operation.

Rose--I have heard that phrase and I do agree. For those who can get family together to do activities that don't involve gifts and make a celebration about being together---I rejoice in that idea as well. I was saddened to read all the comments posted that chastised parents for buying their kids gifts for Christmas because it is now a greedfest. I felt seriously outnumbered.

PittDeacon--I suppose the way I wrote it came across as harsh and as though we don't enjoy the Holiday. It is far from that. Christmas is my favorite holiday of the year. We do the types of non-gift stuff on Christmas Eve--because I want to stretch it a bit further and add yearly Holiday traditions, such as walking the neighborhood to see the lit-up houses, have hot chocolate when we return home, watch Rudolph (my favorite Xmas movie), we read the Night Before Christmas, and we leave out cookies & milk for Santa and also Reindeer food (oatmeal with glitter) to help them fly faster...On Christmas day, we do the gift opening, listen to Christmas music, and the family we have gathers at our house for the dinner and to be together. In terms of getting passed the holiday for us--is because in August when you buy school supplies and uniforms, we have 2 birthdays. In October, we also have 2 birthdays (mine included but we have skipped that the last couple years) plus Halloween. Then T-day which adds up even with Potluck Family Style. Then Christmas...it just makes it hard to save for that day when we get slammed at the end of the year like we do. Plus the dinners aren't very cheap, even with Potluck Style. We look forward to it very much, it is just the $ part that stresses us out trying to wrap the day into a nice memorable package...per se.

100% agree Tera..My kids are a bit older and I'm still excited to see them open their gifts. This year I'm doubly excited because I have a son with major depression and the last 2 X-mas's have been dreadful for him. We finally got him on the correct meds and dosage and with lots of work he has returned to his old self and is actually excited about Christmas. (not that he will come out and say it, but its in his actions) I will say I did go overboard with the gifts, but I am elated and so happy for him that I couldnt help myself. So in essence, we are celebrating the birth of my sons new life!!!!

My elderly parents are on a fixed income and they have 29 grandchildren (by my siblings - I'm childfree). They decided several years ago to forego buying presents for the grandkids and spend what money they could on a couple of needy children. Needless to say, it didn't go over well with some of my siblings and now my parents are paying the price of never getting to see their grandkids again.

Wow, that totally SUCKS! Every year my Church puts out a manger display, with names of low-income children & retirees in a nursing home, for parishoners to buy gifts for, and it's VERY popular! Some years, you have to fight to get a name tag! I ALWAYS pick one elderly person (sometimes a kid, sometimes not - those tags are the first to go). People don't realize how HARD it is to live on a fixed income, and sometimes the elderly have trouble buying simple things like toothpaste and socks. How very inconsiderate are your siblings - if it were ME, they'd be hearing about it NOW!!! (Probably a good thing it's not me;)

Recap: you're spending a boatload of money too, just not on gifts, but on vacations. I don't see why that would make such a big difference.

It makes a huge difference because it's an experience and not stuff. Children need less stuff and more experiences to help them grow. Spending time together as a family doing things that will enrich their lives as apposed to sitting around receiving things they will most likely never remember getting ten years from now. Ever been skiing? It's one of the most fun activities out there. These experiences are priceless. An individual claiming that a family vacation has equal value to buying tons of toys for your kids doesn't understand the value of a wholesome family vacation. I believe one enriches a family and individuals lives, while the other adds little value at all.

But some people love buying lots of presents for their families and they shouldn't be criticized for it. For our family, a vacation is what does it for us.