Peter Kramer / AP
Gwyneth Paltrow, typical working mom
Hey working moms, are you stressed out? Overworked and busy? Well, millionaire movie star Gwyneth Paltrow knows just how you feel.
Yes, Paltrow has done it again: given everyone "a massive case of the stabbies," in the words of TheFrisky.com. On her web site, GOOP, she claims a reader e-mailed her about balancing career and motherhood. (Just a theory: Gwyneth got one of those "Moms: Make $$$ working from home!" e-mails and mistook it for a personal entreaty.) It got Gwynnie thinking about "other extremely busy working mothers I know." Oh yes, she said other -- as in, other extremely busy working mothers like her, the fabulously wealthy movie star wife of a rock star. Just so we can all see how it’s done, she gives us the run-down of a typical “manic” day in her life.
Long story short: Get kids off to school, work out, shower, rehearsal for Country Music Awards, dress fittings, phone calls, make cupcakes with kids, put kids to bed, girls’ night out. God, it’s like she looked into my day planner… and my SOUL!
Gwyneth has, predictably, drawn criticism for thinking that her extremely privileged life bears any resemblance to that of an ordinary working mother. However, her GOOP essay includes some fascinating nuggets, including these three Gwyneth facts:
1. She has a time-travelling portal in her kitchen. According to her "day in the life," her 4.5-year-old son Moses wakes at 8 a.m., and she needs to leave the house with Moses and 6-year-old Apple at 8:20. These are the things she does in 20 minutes: makes eggs and toast for Moses, "followed by a spoonful of lemon flavored flax oil," gets children dressed, packs and finishes decorating shoe boxes filled with toys for less fortunate children (their mothers probably don't give them lemon flax oil). And they make it to school on time! The laws of time and space bend before the will of mighty Gwyneth.
2. Magical elves drive her car, clean her house and watch her children at night. She's quite the multi-tasker in the car, answering e-mails, conducting interviews and doing voice exercises. "Fellow drivers looked on a bit bewildered," she reports. Maybe she means the fellow who IS her driver looked bewildered. But there's no mention of a driver or servants, nor of babysitters when she leaves home for a "girl's night out." Then again, maybe she leaves her 4- and 6-year-old children home alone to go party with the girls, because she's just gangsta like that.
3. She understands multitasking. "Did dance aerobics for 45 minutes then all of the butt lifts and the like. Rushed upstairs to have a shower, doing my post workout stretch while the conditioner was doing its magic on my hair to combine activities/save time." Wait, you stretched your butt muscles WHILE conditioning your hair?! Have the MacArthur genius grants all been given away this year? She has so much to teach us.
We’re almost afraid to ask, but what do you think of Gwyneth’s “extremely busy working mom” post? Got any tips for real working moms?